Transitioning Phase Two
Let's see if I will actually publish this one. Last night I had been working on a few posts and some titles for them. Erased a few, deleted some wording before throwing up my hands and carrying myself to bed. Perhaps there is just too much on my mind at the moment to get out a real coherent and meaningful post. Maybe I just need to do smaller ones and get on task of just publishing pictures from my travels around Michigan ( which isn't that much or that far ). While this may be labeled as Transitioning Phase Two I doubt there will be a whole lot in the way of that maybe a bit of words on what is happening currently but not much will be said who knows.
So continuing from my last post I have been thinking about transitioning again quite a bit I mean this is something that I have wanted since I was 16 and now I am getting up to the ripe old age of 29. It was something that was slightly on my mind as a wee lad who wanted to be a lass when playing with friends outside or even playing video games. The games were my way of becoming what I wanted and through those I didn't have to transition; but as I grow older and the games are losing their appeal I have begun to look back into HRT. While games were great for a while they were a crutch and quite honestly held me back from happiness and had I seen this earlier in my life I probably wouldn't have been as depressed or suicidal.
A few days ago I had decided to send a message to the Nurse Practitioner who was getting my refills, lab work and everything done for me about restarting HRT. After talking with my spouse about wanting to get back on we had come to an understanding that the issues of the past would be no more and I would be more communicative about everything. Not only that but I wouldn't hold myself back either which is a problem I generally have. Instead of embracing my femininity in public I would try to stay masculine and still be in the closet, but at home I would switch it back. Once my breasts were starting to bud I believe I panicked and began to scramble trying to find a way out despite knowing this is what I had wanted. So now that I have become more in touch with everything: Myself, our relationship and a bit more of what I want out of life I began the process again.
When the Nurse Practitioner emailed me back I was ecstatic to see that I could just start taking the hormones once again without any visit. Which is great as I am running low on funds, she even offered to send in refills due to me not having any of the medication at the moment. Which I told her would be no issue as I had 4 refills available at a 3 month supply. We even began talking of our next visit and ordered my lab works already. It was things like this that brought a smile to my face and even more so when the insurance picked up a good portion of the cost on my prescriptions. Being that I should have still had some left they still got it for me and I was able to start retaking the hormones last night. So far I feel as if I am walking on cloud nine.
Now that I am back on despite wanting to get rid of most of my apps on my phone and just live more in touch with nature and myself; I have decided to get instagram to try and not only take pictures of scenery but also to catalog my journey as well. While I do still feel nervous about changing in front of coworkers most of home won't and don't want to understand I'm still willing to do this. As the alternative option of living life as a male just does not appeal to me anymore and would just cause me a life of frustration and sadness. So here I go back out into the world planning to live our the rest of my days as Jirah L. Early
So continuing from my last post I have been thinking about transitioning again quite a bit I mean this is something that I have wanted since I was 16 and now I am getting up to the ripe old age of 29. It was something that was slightly on my mind as a wee lad who wanted to be a lass when playing with friends outside or even playing video games. The games were my way of becoming what I wanted and through those I didn't have to transition; but as I grow older and the games are losing their appeal I have begun to look back into HRT. While games were great for a while they were a crutch and quite honestly held me back from happiness and had I seen this earlier in my life I probably wouldn't have been as depressed or suicidal.
A few days ago I had decided to send a message to the Nurse Practitioner who was getting my refills, lab work and everything done for me about restarting HRT. After talking with my spouse about wanting to get back on we had come to an understanding that the issues of the past would be no more and I would be more communicative about everything. Not only that but I wouldn't hold myself back either which is a problem I generally have. Instead of embracing my femininity in public I would try to stay masculine and still be in the closet, but at home I would switch it back. Once my breasts were starting to bud I believe I panicked and began to scramble trying to find a way out despite knowing this is what I had wanted. So now that I have become more in touch with everything: Myself, our relationship and a bit more of what I want out of life I began the process again.
When the Nurse Practitioner emailed me back I was ecstatic to see that I could just start taking the hormones once again without any visit. Which is great as I am running low on funds, she even offered to send in refills due to me not having any of the medication at the moment. Which I told her would be no issue as I had 4 refills available at a 3 month supply. We even began talking of our next visit and ordered my lab works already. It was things like this that brought a smile to my face and even more so when the insurance picked up a good portion of the cost on my prescriptions. Being that I should have still had some left they still got it for me and I was able to start retaking the hormones last night. So far I feel as if I am walking on cloud nine.
Now that I am back on despite wanting to get rid of most of my apps on my phone and just live more in touch with nature and myself; I have decided to get instagram to try and not only take pictures of scenery but also to catalog my journey as well. While I do still feel nervous about changing in front of coworkers most of home won't and don't want to understand I'm still willing to do this. As the alternative option of living life as a male just does not appeal to me anymore and would just cause me a life of frustration and sadness. So here I go back out into the world planning to live our the rest of my days as Jirah L. Early
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